What not to expect from Apple’s hardware event

Tomorrow’s the big day. You’ve no doubt heard all the rumors by now, but for those who need a little help getting up to speed, check out the rumor roundup we ran last week. As ever, though, it’s important to lower expectations as much as possible, so as to not wallow in one’s own inevitable crushing disappointment. It’s a philosophy that’s gotten me this far in life.
In the spirit of lowered expectations, here’s a definitely-not-complete list of things that most likely won’t be unveiled at Apple’s special event:

• AR headset: Is Apple working on an AR headset? Probably, yes. Will it arrive tomorrow. Probably, no. The company’s recent acquisition of Vrvana makes the product seem all but inevitable, but it’s going to take some time to get there.
• Beats products: Apple’s Beats acquisition is generally understood to have been largely about launching Apple Music. Since then, the headphone maker’s products have clearly been a lower priority for the company, and while new AirPods seem like a distinct possibility, don’t get your hopes up for the Beats brand.
• MacOS devices: There’s some potential here. A long-awaited refresh to the once mighty MacBook Air line could be in the works, though I wouldn’t hold my breath here. And while Apple’s been discussing a refreshed Mac Pro, with the iMac Pro now shipping, that upgrade is still probably a ways off.
• Round Apple Watches: Longtime expectations that Apple might move to a round form factor on its wearable were further fueled when the company sent out an invite with a big circle on it. Seconds later, however, it dawned on everyone that the image likely had more to do with the location of the event at Apple’s giant spaceship — and all the leaks thus far have the form factor remaining largely in tact from previous generations.
• iPhone 9: The iPhone’s 10th anniversary really mucked up Apple’s fairly straightforward naming convention. While plenty call it the “iPhone Echs,” it’s actually the iPhone 10, and Apple’s rarely been one to look back. While a cheaper version of the iPhone X does appear to be in the works, expect the company to skip the iPhone 9 name altogether.
• Inner peace: Regardless of what’s happening tomorrow, we’ll have to pick it up and do it again. No rest for the weary tech bloggers — and we all die alone. Anyway, happy Apple Day!